Spiders, Ants, Ticks and Fleas

My son seems to be scared of a lot of things. Some examples include Swiper from Dora the Explorer, some episodes of Curious George, some Veggietales episodes, just to name a few.

So when my four year old son informed me that he was scared of "Spiders, ants, fleas and ticks" I knew something had to be done about it. (Grandpa had told him about a spray can that he had - which is where that list of insects came from).

Little did I know that God was going to use my son's various fears to help me understand a portion of scripture. As I mentioned in my last post, I have been thinking about the portion in scripture that states "Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it". Never entering the kingdom of God... pretty important verse if you ask me.

The part that I was wondering was how does a child receive the kingdom of God? That's where my son's story helped me to understand this more.

The other morning, my son went to use the restroom in our basement, but he stopped dead in his tracks the second he saw a spider in there. I tried telling him that the spider wouldn't hurt him, but he still wouldn't go in. I even disposed of the spider, but he was still frozen in fear.

Then I thought, why don't we pray together about it? Kneeling on the floor (as I was already kneeling from disposing of the spider) we had a nice short prayer - asking God to help us not be afraid. Just like that, my son was 100% comfortable with entering the restroom.

Ah... so that's how a child receives the kingdom of God... if you pray for something that is within God's will, it happens. No second thoughts about it - God will do what he says.

Thank you God, for helping me to understand.

Am I rich?

Lately it seems that some verses from the Bible are really starting to make me think. Really make me think. And kind of freak me out at the same time. Not in a panic, scream, and run around with my arms flailing kind of freak me out, but more of a "oh boy, I'd better pay attention and do what it says" kind of freak me out.

The first is "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God", and the second being, "Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Can you see why there would be some cause for concern?

Take for instance the rich statement. Am I rich? I guess it depends on who I am compared to. If I am compared to any of my favourite players on the Toronto Blue Jays baseball team, then no, definitely not. If I am compared to any major Hollywood actor, then the answer is still no. If I compare myself to those living in poverty within my community, well now you can start building a case to say yes. Compare me, as well as just about anyone else in North America, against most of the people within the world, and I can definitely be considered rich. And that makes the first quote from scripture relevant, which means I should pay attention. Am I rich? In God's eyes - likely.

My initial reaction was to question whether or not I should have some of the possessions that I have... such as my house. Does God want me to have the house I'm currently living in? I'm still not sure, to be honest. The only reason I could think of why he would want me to have my house is because the house will go up in value over time, making the house a worthy investment, which would be better than sticking my money in a hole someplace where it will lose value. Not a strong case, but its still something.

Another point of view that I have on this matter is how I view money. Take for instance the money that I receive after putting time in at my place of employment. If I call that money "my money", or "money that I have earned", then it is considered my possession, which would make me rich. If, on the other hand, I consider this money to be money that God has trusted in me, then to me that is a different story.

Here's an analogy of how I believe God would want me to view money. Let's say I manage a bank. Let's also say that God has opened up an account with my bank. From time to time, God deposits money into His account at the bank that I manage. Let's also say that God has allowed me to control the finances to His account. So now when He has deposited the money, I am free to move the money around to wherever I see fit. Now, if I keep spending that money for my own purposes, then that would be considered stealing - an act worthy of God not contributing funds to the account.

If, however, I spend His money wisely and for His purposes (on items he would approve of), then there is the possibility he would invest even more finances into the account, because He can trust me with His finances.

This would imply that from time to time, God would call me up to let me know that He wants to spend His money on a special cause, in which case, I'd better do so, for risk of losing His account.

Under this scenario, I can no longer make any claims in what money I own, because it would all be God's. Does that make me rich?

I say no - just blessed to be able to make the decisions with someone else's money.

What do you think?

(On the next posting I'll talk more about the second verse that I quoted).

Why I Love Jesus +a few +meme

I don't normally feel any pressure to respond to chain letters - no matter what said consequences will occur to me. In this situation, I was simply tagged to a posting about the topic "5 reasons why you love Jesus". No pressure, no threats, no anything. Justgged to a posting and that is all.

Given that:

- I had already been thinking about this topic because I read my friends post on the subject;
- it is about Jesus, and my love for Him;
- a good friend of mine tagged me;

I decided to overthrow my previous decision to not respond to a chain letter, and instead write this post. The one caveat is that I won't be tagging 5 people as had originally been requested.

TOP 5 REASONS WHY I LOVE JESUS

While this list may change over time, the current list would look like this:

1. Jesus cared enough about me to create an individual experience to allow me to believe in Him.

In my previous entry titled First things first..., I described how Jesus allowed for a very specific way for me to encounter Him. There are also other details left out of that story, all of which made for a very individual experience. Had this not been the case, I don't think my 21 year old heart and mind would have been willing to learn more about Jesus. Billboard messages, tracts, tv commercials, a guy wearing a sandwich board, etc, wouldn't have been enough to pierce my hardened heart and mind.

2. Jesus loves everyone.

This is the one thing that amazes me. He loves everyone equally, regardless of gender, age, nationality, race, religion, physical attributes, intelligence, health, political views, sexual orientation, lifestyle, history, finances, career, criminal records, etc. No matter what the person thinks about Jesus (believes he is God, isn't God, is a fictional character, whatever), Jesus will still love that person.

3. Jesus walked the talk.

Jesus came to earth in a lowly stable, with earthly parents who were both under the curse of sin, as a helpless babe. He experienced all the same emotions as me. He felt pain - emotional pain, when His Father had forsaken Him at the cross, and physical pain - from dehydration, flogging, being nailed to the bark of a tree, and wearing a crown made with thorns. He felt rejection, when Peter denied Him, and when his friends would not keep watch with him in the garden. He lived a life on this earth he helped to create.

4. Jesus is always available.

From January 1 to December 31, 24 hours a day, Jesus is willing to listen to me and be there for me. If I have never talked to him before, or that I talked to Him just a couple of minutes ago - Jesus is ready and willing to listen to me talk.

5. Jesus is all I need.

No one gets to the Father but through Jesus. Jesus overcame death so that I could spend eternity with Him. I do not require any special talents or own any material possessions. Jesus was the role model that can teach me how to live my life. I can look to Jesus on the cross in the similar manner that the Israelites looked to the bronze asp and be saved.

Thank you, Jesus, for being all these things.

Can you spare some change?

My children love the McDonald's playland, so today my wife and I decided to pack the children into the mini-van and head on over to McDonald's over the lunch hour.

We started off with me watching the children while Heidi ordered our lunches, so that our children could be busy playing while the food was being ordered and prepared.

We then had our lunch, followed by some more play time. All in all it was a wonderful start to the afternoon.

When it was time to go, my eldest son decided to make a run for it, and if you've ever seen him, you'll know just how quickly he can accelerate. I was at the furthest point from an exit, and from my vantage point, I can see my son navigating his way through the crowd at full tilt.

He managed to get to the vestibule where you go to exit the store (and head out into the parking lot) when I finally caught up to him. I was just about to verbally discipline him, when out of nowhere, I get stopped and asked the question that I'm sure every adult experiences at least once in their lifetime - "Can you spare some change?".

The question appeared to be legitimate as far as appearances go - he wore some tattered clothes (minus the newer looking running shoes, which happened to be the first thing I saw as I was kneeling, about to talk to my son at the time), and the wheels started turning in my head.

"Did I have any spare change?" was he question running through my head - and with both hands occupied - one holding my sprinter child and the other carrying our new born son in a car seat - I had to think instead of reaching into my pockets. I thought back, and remembered that when I ordered my wife's peach pie, and my apple pie, that we each had for dessert, that I indeed used every last penny of change to place the order. "Perfect - what are the odds?" I exclaimed as I handed over every last penny that was in my pocket.

I looked this stranger in the eye and said, "Sorry, I don't have any change. I just spent the last of what I had".

The man took a step further, encroaching on my personal space, and snapped back with "Why does everyone think of change? What about bills?". He was visibly upset and was using a less the pleasant tone. I automatically responded with "...but you had asked for change?". It was then that I realized that this man may have been suffering from some sort of mental issues (although there is no way for me to know for sure, obviously) which could have accounted for the strange response. This was based upon how he started incoherently started mumbling to himself, and through his mannerisms.

I did have a $10 bill sitting in my pocket the whole time.

As I was about to think "do I hand over the 10 dollars or not" my wife exited the restaurant ans as immediately confronted by this man with the same question. She responded a simple but practical (and polite) "no, sorry" and with daughter in one hand, and a diaper bag in another stepped around the man and proceeded to the vehicle.

We then left for home.

Since that time, I have been thinking about this situation and trying to figure out what the best approach would have been given the circumstances, as I'm sure I didn't handle the situation the way God would have wanted me to, so the best I can do now is to prepare for the next situation.

I think, so far, and I will be thinking about this more, would have been for me to take the man into the McDonalds and purchase his meal. That would have been kind, not self-seeking, patient, and not easily angered - all of which are attributes of love, and all of which God has called us Christians to be like.

I'm wondering though - how have you handled this situation in the past, or what suggestions would you have for someone in this situation?

The church is like... a healthy lawn (part 2)

Further to my previous post, The church is like... a healthy lawn?, I have continued thinking of this analogy - specifically about how the church can be attractive to others.

About a week ago, at the height of the yellow dandelion season, I purposely drove by a house where the lawn was completely covered with this notorious weed. I remember seeing this house in previous years and seem to be drawn to this ugly sight. As usual, the lawn was completely covered by this yellow pest. I noticed something different this year however. Next to this unkempt lawn was a nicely groomed, healthy and green lawn, standing in stark contrast to its neighbour.

This got me thinking - how attractive the church must be when it is healthy and free from weeds.

The church is like... a healthy lawn?

They grow without effort, are colourful, and flourish in the harshest of environments, and they drive me nuts. Weeds. My nearly four year old son knows that a dandelion is a weed, yet he still likes to pick them and tell me that he has "a flower for mommy". I cringe, and force myself to realize that this is supposed to be cute, but in reality, I can't help but think that I don't want the seeds getting into my lawn.

Last week, while reading the parable in Matthew chapter 13, I was reminded that Jesus talked about how the weeds were mixed in with the wheat, and that if the weeds were to be removed it would also remove the wheat. This piece of scripture was talking about the judgment day, where the followers of Christ would be separated from the non-believers.

The next day after reading this parable I had found myself uprooting the various weeds from my lawn, and I thought to myself, I don't let the weeds grow with the grass - is there still a way that I could relate this story to my weed-removing adventure?

Last night while having a great discussion with a friend of mine I came across the analogy. The best way to prevent weeds in a lawn is to have a healthy lawn. When the lawn isn't healthy, then the weeds will take over.

I wonder if the same can be said of a church - if a church isn't healthy, do the weeds start coming in?

Agree to disagree, or fight to the death?

Was the world created in 7 days or over a span of millions of years? Did dinosaurs really exist? The rapture - does it take place before or after the tribulation period, or not at all? Being a Christian, I have been involved with these types of conversations with Christians and non-Christians alike.

Last summer a friend of mine invited me to a Blue Jays game, and on the one hour bus trip to and back from the game we talked about all kinds of things. During the conversation he said to me that he had a Christian relative who had a different point of view with regard to the creation of the universe. Basically, this relative kept pressing the issue, trying desperately to change my friends point of view based on various pieces of information.

The whole experience had made for my friend to have an awkward visit - not enjoyable to say the least.

My friends response to this situation really stood out to me. He said something to the effect of "Does it really matter? Aren't we missing the point?" The point my friend was referring to was the Gospel.

After hearing this, I started thinking about the types of conversations I had with the people in my life, and started to realize that the whole point of my existence is to love God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength, and to love my neighbour as myself. I need to put this at the forefront of any conversation that I have.

During a presentation skills course I was a part of, my instructor made the point that it is very difficult to change someone else opinion on important matters, and that to be an effective presenter, you need to be aware of that. The exercise that he used was one where you had a few minutes where you had to convince your partner that you know of the ideal vacation spot, and that your vacation spot was better than your partner's. Not one person was able to change their partner's point of view.

The point? Differences of opinion are ok, so long as it doesn't cause you to stop loving God or your neighbours.

The lion sleeps tonight

This evening, as I sat in our living room chair with my new born son resting in my arms, a series of thoughts crossed my mind.

First, I thought about who, other than Jesus, would I consider to be one of my favourite people in the Bible. While the answer has probably changed over the years, I can say that at this point in time it would have to be Stephen from the book of Acts. I think about how he got to see heaven open up prior to his death - a death for standing up for what he believed in - a death for speaking the truth. I think of how God allowed him to have this vision, and I wonder if this vision is what helped him to stay the course during the crazy events that were being played out in front of him.

Second, my train of thought somehow jumped track and an image of a zoo appeared. In this zoo were many ferocious creatures - lions, tigers, and the like. The animals in this zoo were all born in captivity.

Third, and this is the thought that shook me, and prompted me to write this blog, was how these two thoughts were somehow mashed together. I pictured the North American church as the animal who was born in captivity. While the animals in captivity performed some of the same functions as animals in the wild, it really wasn't the same. The zoo animals had it pretty easy in their safe habitat. However, if taken from the safe confines of the zoo, the animal wouldn't have a chance to survive. Ouch. Would I survive under life threatening persecution like Stephen did? Would I survive if my job was on the line? Would I?

Would you?

I just thought you should know...

The other night I had the honour of emceeing the Canadian Bible Society's annual banquet for the Kitchener Waterloo branch. I haven't had a whole lot of public speaking appearances, but when I have, I have really enjoyed those opportunities. This night was no exception.

As the night went on, I felt as if God was doing something really special. The guest musicians shared a touching (but tragic) experience from their personal life, and a member of the Bible Society translation office shared some really wonderful stories of how the Bible Society was able to help out a small village in Africa.

I spent the evening thinking about how I could "love my neighbours", which in this case, was Canadian Bible Society supporters. The result was that I felt it necessary to try and talk to as many of the people in attendance as I could, and take a genuine interest in their lives.

The part of the evening that really stood out to me took place within a 2 minute or less timeframe. Immediately after I had dismissed the guests for the evening, a lady made a bee line straight for me. As I mentioned, I haven't had a whole lot of opportunities for public speaking, so I had wondered if I made a grand faux pas at some point during the evening.

What this lady wanted to inform me is that I didn't do the customary "thank the cooks and kitchen staff" tribute, where I as the emcee ask the workers from the kitchen to come out and we all applaud their work. Should I have done so, probably, but given that all of the workers were pretty much members of the executive team, I partially thought that by doing so we as the executive would only be patting ourselves on the back.

After I sincerely apologized to this person, I simply said that "I forgot" (maybe I should have been more honest and gone into the decision making process I had outlined above) and said sorry if I had offended her. Her response is what prompted me to write this blog. "Oh, well, it's not for my sake, I just thought that (the head kitchen worker) did a lot of work, and should have been recognized for that. I just thought you should know."

In other words, that was dumb, I can't believe you did that, how rude of you for not doing so, don't do that again.

Firstly, I really don't have anything against what this lady said to me - after all, in the end, she is correct. I made a judgment error and will be more sensitive to that going forward. I did apologize to the head person of the kitchen staff after the evening was over.

The first point of this post is that I need to be careful with the delivery of my message. I may have the right content, but, if I pass along that message without wrapping it in love then I may offend my neighbour and I fail to love my neighbour, thus breaking God's second greatest commandment.

The second point of this post is that if you are on the wrong end of a not-so-friendly message, then as a Christian you're responsibility is to prevent yourself from getting offended. After all, Jesus did die for that person - making that person as important as you are, even if you don't like what they have to say.

Love - can't argue that!

The other day I was searching for a video on the internet, when I came across a website devoted to atheists. I started reading through some interactions that were between a Christian person and the atheists who belonged to the site.

I think the reason I was so attracted to the conversation was because when I first became a Christian in '99, I would join internet chatrooms thinking I could somehow lead people to Christ. What typically happened, from my experience, was that typically I would frustrate the very people I was trying to lead to Christ. I had good intentions, but was very ineffective in reaching the lost.

This is what appeared to be happening on this atheist website I was referring to. What I found interesting is how the atheists reacted to the (well meaning) Christian. They found humour in just about everything this Christian was saying. And for good reason too! This Christian talked to the atheists as if he was talking to his Christian friends - using "Christian-ese" if you will.

What I kept thinking was that it seemed so much like Christians vs. Atheists, and that by having this approach would spell out a war without love. I imagined interacting with these atheists differently. I imagined what these atheists would think if a Christian went out of his or her way to love these atheists. Giving of themselves without demanding anything in return. How would that be perceived? Would the Christian still be laughed at? I would like to think no, but, without practicing what I'm talking about I won't know.

I want to start loving my neighbours - and by neighbours, I mean everyone, and by love, I mean the 1st Corinthians 13 love that is often recited at weddings. I think that is when I'll start seeing Jesus working in people's lives, including my own.

What are your thoughts on this? What forms of evangelism have you seen work or not work?

Jesus can speak using the Kimyal language

I had the pleasure of emceeing the Kitchener Waterloo branch of the Canadian Bible Society annual dinner - and it gave me a new appreciation for the work of the United Bible Societies.

During the evening, Hart Wiens, Director of Scripture Translations, played a short video of a village Indonesia receiving the New Testament in their native language. While I have always understood the Bible Societies having their goal of translating, publishing, distributing the Word of God and encouraging its use, I haven't really seen what that work looks like until today.


Here is a link to the 10 minute version of the video that was played this evening.

Here, try on these Jesus glasses

Originally I was going to write about my first year of marriage, but I think going that route would take me away from what I was originally intending this blog to be about. Instead, I'd like to talk about the 10+ years following my decision to follow Jesus. I'd like to share with you what I have learned over this last year since I started wearing my God glasses.

Since September 12, 1999 I have experienced a lot of changes in my life. The strange part though is that the majority of these changes took place either immediately or shortly after I accepted Jesus and decided to live for Him.

I believe I have missed he point for a long time now, but have started to realize once again what my role is as a follower.

For the longest time I felt uncomfortable in my own skin so to say. For example, how am I to react if a non-Christian uses the Lord's name in vain? How am I to treat the people I know who are living in same-sex relationships? What should I do if my co-workers are talking about events that took place on the weekend? What should I do if the public school system decides to ban the distribution of the Bible by the Gideon's organization?

My example for the longest time were the people attend church - my church glasses. While wearing these glasses I found is that many people would be offended, angered, protesting, attempting to change the legal system, etc.

This last summer I learned a lot about what the Bible says on how I should be living my life, which happens to provide me guidance on all of these areas, and this is where I found my God glasses.

Here is what I learned about God glasses.

Jesus was asked, "What is the greatest commandment?". The answer? Love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. Secondly, love your neighbour as yourself. Simple, yet extremely profound.

So what does it mean to love? According to the Bible, love is he following:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, is not rude, is not self seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. Knowledge puffs up but love builds up.

In every one of the situations mentioned above I am called to love.

I believe that since I had not been living by these commandments that I have done a poor job of showing people who Jesus is and asked of his followers, because I have failed to love.

I am not to show my obvious sign of disgust when a non-Christian uses the Lord's name in vain;I am called to love.
I'm not to protest for or against same sex marriages; I am called to love.
I am not to ask my co-workers to stop talking about their weekend events; I am called to love.
I am not to proclaim that "Canada is a Christian country. How dare they remove Bibles from a public school system!"; I am called to love.

I have learned a lot about my own marriage while viewing my actions through these God glasses. I have a tough time justifying my actions when comparing those actions against the definition of love.

Looking at every situation through this love lens will teach you a lot about who Jesus is and what he went through and will also make it a lot easier to discuss and live out the Gospel.

The first date...

Probably not a lot of people know much about how Heidi and I met. In 2001, Heidi and I were attending the same church (which we both still attend today). I knew of Heidi through a mutual friend at the time. It turned out that Heidi and I both signed up for a missions trip to Uzbekistan. At the time, neither of us had heard of the "stan" countries. When it came time to raise funds for the trip, Heidi and I decided we would go together to try and raise money from local businesses. I'll never forget the moment I went to pick up Heidi to drive to the local businesses. I was driving a large 2 seater white cargo van. I was wearing an older shirt and shorts. Boy did I ever feel funny when Heidi answered the door of her parents house. She was dressed very nicely - after all, we were going to be asking businesses for money together! When she opened the door her hair swooshed in the wind. I probably stood there stunned.

We went out to collect money. It was a disaster! Barely any funds were raised despite our best efforts. To celebrate our (lack of) accomplishments we decided to have dinner together. And so it began.

Several months later, Heidi and I were at one of my co-workers / friends house. We were having a barbecue together and were preparing the meal. I for some reason had been cutting carrots, while everyone else was busy with other preparations. I remember very clearly Heidi walking up to me and asking if I had a flashlight. I froze. Heidi, seeing that I didn't respond, continued on her search for a flashlight. I could hear her asking throughout the house "do you have a flashlight?". Now normally these events wouldn't be worthy to capture in a blog 10 years later. However in this case, an event had taken place roughly a year and a half earlier that made this rather insignificant event something extraordinary.

During my "wandering" stage, where I was staying up until 4am in the morning each night, I thought I had met someone interesting and who I could be with on the internet. This girl suggested that I pray basically for a sign to confirm this. In my immaturity, I for some reason prayed that someone would use the word flashlight, and then I would know it was meant to be. Strange prayer - I even thought so at the time I prayed it - but nonetheless, that would be my "sign".

After a few weeks passed it became obvious that it wasn't meant to be. I didn't hear the word flashlight, plus I could no longer find this lady friend on the internet anymore. A few more months passed, and still no flashlight. In fact, so much time had passed I had forgotten all about that silly prayer or the fact that I didn't hear this random word in everyday language - until a year and a half later while I'm cutting carrots in the kitchen. I cried as I was overcome with joy. God had once again answered my prayer, and it was a sure sign that Heidi was set aside for me, and I for her.

We would later marry a year later in October 2002. (I decided to give the men in my wedding party a flashlight as their gift as a reminder of what God had done for us).

Coming up next - our first year together.

Wandering

For the next few years I went through the equivalent of the pre-teen years - I was trying to figure out what my new life was going to look like. It was during this time I lost a lot of my friends. I think that although this was really difficult, it was likely necessary given the activities I was involved with at the time. This isn't to say that my friends or I took part in anything wild - but, the big difference was that there seemed to be a need for those friends to have me continue drinking and secondly to deny that Jesus was God.

The first two years were really difficult for me. I spent a lot of time on the internet until the early hours of the morning (like 4am) and then I would go into work the next day for 9am. I did this pretty much every night. While I was going through this transition I would often question if what happened was real, and each time came back to the conclusion that yes, indeed, God is real and He chose me.

I started to meet Christian friends which was vital to me growing in my relationship with Christ. I am so thankful for those friends and most of them are still close friends to this day, which is nearly 10 years later.

I started attending a church. Initially it was a University campus church, where I would be baptized in November of '99. Later on, I would make my home at a Pentecostal church in Kitchener where I remain today.

Given that I gave my life to Jesus at an older age, I found that I had a lot of "catching up" to do if I wanted to be able to socialize with the church members. I have found since that it is something rare for someone who is already 21 years old to start following Jesus. (I initially realized this at a conference I attended where people were asked to raise their hand when the age of when they accepted Christ was called out. I think I was only one of a handful who raise their hand when the 20's were called out).

I read a lot of the Bible - getting familiar with a lot of the stories that were in there - and what I found was that it really didn't take all that long to "catch up".

The other area of catching up had to do with music. Seeing as I sold or thrown out the majority of my music collection it was time to switch my music preferences. I shamefully downloaded large quantities of music through this "new" service called Napster until I had roughly 40 Gigs worth of Christian music. (It would be later on that I would feel convicted of my wrong doing where in a moments notice hit delete to my beloved music collection and watch all the music disappear).

I was starting to fit in, but, was not ready to date as I was still working through my emotions. This would take a few years to process.

Next up - the circumstances that would lead me to my future wife.

Instant (and not so instant) Changes

I remember one of my early prayers that I had. "Lord, I'll follow you as long as I don't give up my music". At the time I listened to Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, and many other non-church friendly music. What happened next amazed me. I put in a cd, hit play, and the next thing I know I almost get sick to my stomach! I couldn't believe it. The only thing I had attempted to put before God was the very thing I wanted nothing to do with.

I immediately threw out the most repulsive cd's into the garbage, and then proceeded to go through my entire collection to sell which ones I thought I shouldn't to.

Next. I went to play a computer game I had been involved with. I can't remember the name of the game anymore, but it was about having you control a population of people, whereby you try and have your civilization take over another one through the use of various magic spells. You gained power by having your people worship stone heads that represented various gods.

This too made me feel physically sick so I also threw that game (and others) into the garbage.

While those changes in me were instant, others took longer to achieve. By June of 2000, I had given up the habit of drinking alcohol.

All the while I was still working through my emotions of having broken up with the girl that I loved.

My next entry will be about when I was ready to move on with relationships.

First things first...

Who am I?  Good question!  I'm glad you asked!

The simplest answer?  I'm just a guy.  Seriously - nothing special here - that is until God got a hold of my life.  I was telling a Pastor friend of mine just last night that at High School I would achieve a 80-90% average in the first semester with relative ease, and then for the second semester I would start skipping classes but would ensure that my grades would be good enough to pass.

During the High School years I dated a girl for several years from the age of 17-22.  During one summer this girl and myself made a trip out to Prince Edward Island where we ended up getting engaged.  After the engagement I started having thoughts that my new fiancée was not the person I should spend my life with, but, I was ready to honour my lifetime commitment. It would be only a couple of months after our engagement that I found that something was really wrong with our relationship, but I couldn't figure out what it was.  What gave it away to me at the time were her eyes - they had gone ice cold - but wasn't able to determine the cause.

I made the decision to confront the situation head on to get to the cause.  While standing on her front porch, I informed my girlfriend and now fiancée that while I loved her deeply, we couldn't continue on.  All I could keep thinking at the time was that she was supposed to be break up with me, because it seemed like her love for me had gone cold, but that it was left up to me to sever the relationship.  During a lengthy conversation, I ended up walking away to my car, sobbing heavily, while my now ex-fiancée stood at her front porch with a cold demeanor.

The short 2 block, 1 minute drive home following that moment would change my life forever.

Prior to these events taking place, I was attracted to the teachings of a friend of mine from High School.  He started talking to me of the things of God and I was being drawn in.

Now I was driving home, thinking to myself "God, I know you were the one wanting me to break up.  I need to know you are there.  I need to know that you are real".  The 1 minute drive home was the most emotional drive I would ever experience.  I cried the hardest I had ever cried in my life, matched only by my boyhood dog being out to sleep, and years later having my Dad pass away.  The one thought that ran through my mind, which gave little comfort, was that one day they would make a movie about my life.

Within half an hour God would answer my prayer.  When I got home, I quickly informed my Mom that I had broken up with the girl that I had loved,  My Mom's response was simply that she wasn't the right girl for me anyway.  Seeing that it was late in the evening, I made my way up to my bedroom as the next day was Monday and I would need to get up for work.  I went ahead and started to set my alarm clock, and it was at this precise moment that I knew that my prayer from moments ago were being answered.  Upon turning on the radio to test that the alarm was set to an appropriate level of loudness the song "Spirit in the Sky" started to play.  My initial reaction was filled with thoughts of "I have never heard this song on this station before", "God - you are incredible was this is probably the only way I would know this from you", and most of all, all of the pain I felt since leaving the front porch of my ex-fiancée's house would temporarily be filled with awe.  I simply sat on the edge of my bed and laughed in disbelief.  "He is real!" is all that would keep going through my mind.

Over the next few blog posts I'll get you caught up to where I am at today.

What if...

Have you ever believed something big was about to happen?  Something really important?  Something people were going to remember for a long time?  

I have been experiencing that lately - so why not start a blog, just in case?  Who knows - maybe it's nothing - but then again - maybe having this information captured in a blog will help to tell the story for years to come.

Welcome to My VIVE.  I'm glad that you stopped by.  Over the next who-knows-how-long I'll do my best to capture snapshots of time to help share what it is that I was thinking throughout my journey.  What will I be writing about?  I guess that all depends on what happens!